Ep361: Kenny Weiss – Facing Your Demons Will Lift You Up to the Sky

Andrew Stotz 00:01
Hello fellow risk takers and welcome to my worst investment ever stories of loss to keep you winning in our community. We know that to win in investing, you must take risk. But to win big, you've got to reduce it. And I bet you're exposed to investment risk right now. To reduce it, go to my worst investment ever.com and download the risk reduction checklist I made specifically for you, my podcast listeners, based on the lessons I've learned from all of my guests, fellow risk takers, this is your worst podcast host Andrew Stotz, from a Stotz Academy, and I'm here with featured guests, Kenny Weiss, Kenny, are you ready to rock you better?

00:45
Thanks for having me.

Andrew Stotz 00:47
You are welcome. And I'm really excited to learn more about you. And I really want to introduce you to the audience. So let's go Ladies and gentlemen, Kenny Weiss is a life coach, youtuber podcaster, and author of your journey to success. He founded the greatness movement in 2018. His mission is to help as many people as possible, learn about their worst day cycle. So they can stop repeating events that hold them back and live up to their full potential. You can find out more about him at www Kenny Weiss dotnet. Go there and learn about him. I'm so excited to have you on the show. Kenny. So could you take a minute? affiliate for tidbits about your life?

Kenny Weiss 01:40
Yeah. Really, My specialty is working with entrepreneurs, business people and couples who you know are struggling in their relationship. They're struggling in their performance. I specialize in people that have been through trauma in their life addiction. codependence stress, anxiety, depression, really the deeper stuff that people have been through. So most of my clients have been to, you know, counselling, they've been to therapy. They've worked with the all the names we know in this industry. And then they run across my stuff and they go, Oh, this goes deeper. And that was the niche I wanted to create. Because in my own life story, I followed all of them. And I couldn't get there. And I discovered something I call the worst day cycle, which I found in, everybody is stuck in it. Nobody's immune from it. And when you have those skills and tools, you can reach your full potential. And so I've developed programs around that to help people achieve, you know, like you say, we all have these bad investments, whether it's in somebody else, or business or whatever. And we're not sure why what why did that happen? How do we get out of it? When you learn about the worst day cycle? You have that answer, and you can stop repeating

Andrew Stotz 03:00
what I feel like I don't want to ask you about the worst day cycle because I believe it's going to come as we go through your story. But I do want to ask you a question. Yesterday, I was talking with a bunch of interns that are working with me. And I was saying people don't act unless they're in pain. And I thought to myself, you know, is that really true? I mean, I definitely know that when people are in pain, they certainly are more willing to act. But I'm just curious, like when I think about your type of coaching, it must be that people are coming to you in pain. It's not like oh, my life's great. Let's go talk to Kenny.

Kenny Weiss 03:36
Well, that's one of the biggest difficulties is, especially people that have succeeded. They have the car, they have the title, they have the money, they have the trophy husband or wife and they're like, Hey, I don't need help. Look, I figured it out. Well, in general, those are the people that need the help the most, but they have the trappings of the veneer that says I'm okay. Plus society in general says if you have those things, there's nothing wrong with you, you shouldn't be upset, says there's a natural bias inside of them of I can't admit that I'm struggling with something. So they really get left out of this process. And you know, there's that shame around I can't be seen as somebody who needs help. And but you're right, everybody in general, because of the worst day cycle, it doesn't have to wait for pain. But because of what I teach the lack of emotional mastery, we I mean, science, medicine, everything, especially the business world to say leave your emotions out. Well, nearly every single thought we ever had starts from an emotion so you can't leave your emotions out and that's the biggest gap in the business world is they try not to learn anything emotionally. Yet that's what they're lacking because they you know, the science now shows we feel before we think and so unless you have that skill set you You can't reach your full potential. So, but until you have that skill set, yes, you will wait till you're in pain, but you don't have to wait till you're in pain.

Andrew Stotz 05:09
Got it. And the second thing is, comes from a little story. In my own case, a couple of about a year ago, I went to the doctor with a bad pain in my kind of middle to lower back. And he said, Yeah, you have a, you know, a bulging disc, and we're going to inject you with some steroids, that will reduce the inflammation. And if you're lucky, it'll never be a problem again. And then it did solve the problem for a while. And then a couple of months later, or maybe I don't know, maybe a year later, it started to really tighten up in that area. To protect the area from moving, you can see I'm the video, I'm kind of moving my right shoulder down, because that's the movement that it's doing as its muscles around that area is squeezing tight, and squeezing tight to protect that area. And then after six months of that, I started to get pain in my hip. And I can just, I just know, it's coming from the contortions that I'm going through. And then of course, a doctor said, Well, actually, the pain in your hips coming from the tightness in your lower back. And then any say, over the tightness in your lower backs coming from, you know, you're losing the curve in your spine, because you're sitting constantly leaning forward. Anything that's more like this, and then you just realize, oh, there's a lot of layers to the onion, and I just thinking about people that come to you. Some people come and they know exactly what the problem is, and other people come and they know nothing. And so they may require more time to kind of dig down. I'm just curious about the layers of an onion concept in what you experienced when people come to you. The biggest

Kenny Weiss 06:46
layer that has to be peeled back with virtually every single client is they think the problem has to do with something in their life currently, like, you know, well my back's hurting or my relationship is, you know, we're fighting right now or my business is struggling, they think it's happened in the recent, you know, past, what they don't realize is literally every single struggle we go through in our life, all of it in less than in just a couple questions I can with any person, it all starts from childhood. And that's the biggest barrier because most of us watch, I don't want to talk about childhood. My parents were finally No, it's way in the past, it doesn't matter. Well, that's the single greatest problem in people's lives is everything, the science is overwhelming. Whatever is so called wrong with you. It started as a defense mechanism, a protection mechanism back in childhood, and that's the worst day cycle, you're just repeating. And until you go back and peel that onion, get to the core of that onion, you'll never get to the solution. And

Andrew Stotz 07:56
suddenly, answer lies. Yeah, that's, that's powerful. Ladies and gentlemen, go to Kenny Weiss. dotnet. Learn more about this, you know, go back in time. And when you do, you are going to find some things as I've done in my past. And, and then, you know, one of the lessons I learned is that some of those experiences from my youth never go away. It's not like we can forget them. But once we understand them, we can start to build some tools and some strengths around that. But that's another lesson that I've learned as I've gotten older, which is, you know, a challenge. But listen, that's a great intro. And I think for the audience, they know exactly where you're coming from. So now it's time to share your worst investment ever. Yeah. And since no one ever goes into their worst investment, thinking it will be tell us about the circumstances leading up to an Intel us your story.

Kenny Weiss 08:49
I'm the worst investment in my life. was not investing in myself. And it was really an aspect of myself I never wanted to face and it I was suicidal. This was what, seven, eight years ago. And I write about it in my book I in one of my chapters I talked about the day I was contemplating suicide, I'd say my mentor might, you know, back then an email, and it's talking about the pain I was in. And I had been, you know, working on myself for Gosh, 30 years because my childhood was difficult alcoholic mother emotionally distant father, brother who was abusive, and I struggled with multiple addictions. I went through two horrific divorces one of my marriages, my wife was physically and verbally abusive, child custody battle of bankruptcy. I played two professional sports. I see now I never wanted to play either of them. And there were aspects have me trying to find the answer that I was willing to face. But ultimately, when you go through stuff like that, what you don't want to do is give up control. Because when you've been through that much pain, you think if I can control everything, I can navigate it or keep myself safe. Yet, it's the exact opposite. It actually it's, it's what inflicts all the pain on you. And as I was contemplating suicide, I was writing my kids a note. And I could write about the pain I was, that part I could do. What got me in trouble was when I went to justify the choice, like I was like, this is the best for all of us. But what saved my life or, you know, was because they'd spent so many years learning about psychology, learn about my childhood, learning about all that. I knew too much. Couldn't out shrink myself. And so every sentence I'd write, I'm like, well, that's transference for maybe some of you don't know what that means. But, you know, those are psychological terms where we're transferring our pain on to somebody else, or that's codependent all these different things. And I knew I couldn't get out of it. In that point, I realized, the one thing I'd never done was let go of control. That was the one piece I had never been willing to give up. And it was in that moment, I you know, that was, I had been working on it. I had known it for decades. That was the answer. And it cost me look at what it cost me. All divorces abuse, horrific things in my life, and then the impact on my kids. And it was in that moment, I realized, this is what I have to let go of. And that's when I did. That's when it opened me up to you know, there are things now I have to teach therapists and counselors about why we struggle, you know, things that I've found that no one else has ever talked about. But and that's the blessing when you go into that center of the onion, is you're saying earlier how to get to the answer, you have to go to the center of the Union. And that one thing you just don't want to deal with. You don't want to do this, oh, it doesn't matter. I can get by without it. You can't. And that was that's what drove me to that spot.

Andrew Stotz 12:26
So let's talk about what you learn from that experience.

12:31
What would you like to know? specifically?

Andrew Stotz 12:34
Yeah, I mean, like, I guess, there's a few things. The first thing is that having been through it, and past it, knowing that other people are kind of slipping into that situation, we don't want them to have to go down as deep as to want to write that letter, that suicide note. So I'm thinking about the things that you learn in relation to maybe helping that could have helped you or what you gain from that, that could help some like a sliding right now.

Kenny Weiss 13:04
Yeah. The biggest fear that every person has when they're here, and they know they need to face it, but they don't want to is every thought every feeling every picture in their head is if I go face this, if I deal with this pain, they think it's going to be this horrific thing. All their thoughts, feelings and pictures of it. No way, I'll never survive that. And they go, I can't you know whether they want to quit an addiction or let go of control or get a divorce or what, whatever it may pursue their passion. They're like, No, it's too big. What you don't realize is that once you make the choice to go here, you recognize, first of all, none of those things come true. They're all false. The second thing you realize is, this is just uncomfortable. If there's none of that pain, you thought was there. And for the first time in your life, you recognize, oh, my God, stain over there was the pain. Like when we're here, we're like, oh, it's not that bad. We don't we can't see it. We can't feel it. We're so numb to how much pain we're in. We can't grasp it. And we'll never grasp it until we go here. And so it's this juxtaposition of Oh my god. This is actually less pain. That's where the pain is. But we're here convinced that it's completely the opposite. And that's what keeps people from making the jump in every single client, every university student, I have all of them go once they made it. Oh my god, you're right. I see it now. And it happens like that. It doesn't like it's like right away. You see it all. And that's the biggest thing that they don't recognize and I didn't recognize for myself either.

Andrew Stotz 14:53
Hmm. Okay, so there's a few things that I'd like to you know, share that that I took away from this. The first one is in 12 step programs that we have all around the world now, the first step is we admitted we were powerless over, whatever that thing is alcohol, drugs, narcotics, sex, whatever, and that our lives have become unmanageable. So the first step is admitting we're powerless. And, you know, that goes back to what you're talking about this idea of, you know, I like to envision it, like, I'm on the ledge, of a hugely tall building, imagine tallest building in the world. And it's got a balcony. And I'm out on the outside, standing on the outside of the balcony, and I'm holding on to the railing. And I'm leaning back and looking down, you know, at stories. Scary, it's scary. And there I am, and I'm holding on tight. I tried a vision that, and then I, then I changed the frame. And I imagined a really, really soft bed, right behind me. And I get rid of the super high distance that I'm about fall. And then I just let go and fall into this comfort of this, like feather bed. And what I tried to tell myself is that the biggest change in my life happened in my life happened, when I let go, not when I held on

Kenny Weiss 16:33
it for me, I would change that description, everything you said is perfect. You're on the left, you're looking down. And that's the feeling, oh my god, it's gonna hurt so bad when I land. And that, that feeling as I fall that terror, that's what I'm going to experience. I don't want that. But literally what happens is, once you let go, what you don't realize is there is a massive wind tunnel underneath, that immediately catapults you up and put you on the tallest building.

Andrew Stotz 17:06
never hit that bottom,

Kenny Weiss 17:08
it does the exact opposite. And that's my worry does the exact opposite. You immediately catapult up to the height you always want it to be at. But you thought you could only get there if you held on. And it's the exact opposite. It's the second you let go. Now the problem is most of us haven't been taught how to do that. And most of the information that's out there, even 12 step programs tell you that it's a thought process. And it's emotional. We all have all of the bad choices we've made in our life are so called bad choices are a byproduct of painful moments from our past that we're repeating. We're repeating them over and over to show us I need to go back and heal this. And unless you have that skill set, you can't catapult up. And that's

Andrew Stotz 17:59
okay, that really helps the visualization. And it's kind of that concept of surrendered to when I was saying surrender to just survive, but you say no, no, no, surrender

Kenny Weiss 18:10
your if you want, and the only way to reach what I call your authenticity that I believe everyone is meant, you know, has a tremendous potential that's unique to them. The only way to get there is by letting go. But it's an emotional process. It's not a thought process. That's how you catapult up and reach it. And if I can, I don't know if we have time. But can I leave your viewers and listeners with a quick way for them to find it? Because like, this sounds like words, but they've never had the experience. It's very simple. whatever's going on in your life now whatever the bad thing is, all right, the thing you're really upset about or struggling with?

Andrew Stotz 18:52
I got it in my mind right now. Okay, would

Kenny Weiss 18:55
you like me to? Are you willing to do this? Yeah. Okay. All right. Tell me. You don't have to tell me exactly what's up because you're not. I don't want to require you to be overly vulnerable. Tell me the feelings associated with it. When you think of this situation? What are you feeling?

Andrew Stotz 19:13
Well, I mean, I can tell you, I mean, and the beauty of this show is that we share so my mother is 82. She lived with me for five years. And she's told me even though her health is pretty damn good, and her brain is good. She told me she doesn't really want to live anymore. She doesn't want to exercise any more. And it just hit me like a rock. It just hit me so hard. First of all, that it's something I'm powerless over. But it also scares me about am I going to give up sometime? how easily you know, I just running from my demons that I'll fight, fight fight. But actually behind that is the fear that if I stop At any moment, I'm going to give up.

20:03
Okay?

Kenny Weiss 20:05
What I heard you say was two really big feelings powerless. But then you described a feeling if you give up. And the consequence of that feeling, would you attach to that? If you wait on yourself, what's the feeling?

20:23
terror,

20:25
terror,

Andrew Stotz 20:27
terror? I feel shame. I feel like I would let down the people who are relying on me for my businesses and all that and you know, yeah, those are some of the feelings that I would say, drive me so.

Kenny Weiss 20:43
And for the viewers, the key is go to Google print off look, type in feelings list printed off and do this. Sit and ask yourself, What am I feeling? Like? He talked about powerlessness, shame. Now, this is what people do. They try and use thought to hide their emotion. He's, you're telling me stories, I'd let people down? Well, the feeling if I let people down, I feel shame, shame. And see, that's what you want to do. Get out of that. Take the story that you're telling. That's our avoidance technique when we tell the story. And glad to say the story. But go, what's the feeling of that story? Shame. That's how you find it. Because the story is the defense of the underlying pain. Out of the two, you said viewings, but for time constraints? The two that stuck out are shame and powerlessness. Which one of those would you say you feel the heaviest? Or are the equal?

Andrew Stotz 21:41
I would say that the powerlessness is in the moment. Like it's an immediate frustration, but also a realization that I can't, you know, I can't make this situation change. And the shame is kind of like what's behind if I fail? And if, what does this tell about me? What does this tell about my genes? Is it possible that I could face some hardship, and I would give up, you know, that type of thing. So I would say paralysis is right now. And the frustration of powerlessness. But also the shame of, you know, what if I give up,

Kenny Weiss 22:20
what that says is, the shame is the primary driver, because if I'm powerless, if I don't have a solution, ultimately, I feel shame that I don't have this option. So when you sit in that shame, where in your body, do you feel it?

Andrew Stotz 22:36
I would say, you know, in my in my chest, you know, in my heart, really

Kenny Weiss 22:41
focus on that feeling in your chest. Now, the first memory that comes to mind, what's your first memory of feeling that in your chest? that exact same feel? First thing that pops in your mind?

22:56
That?

Andrew Stotz 23:00
I don't know, I'm thinking of being a kid, but I can't pay someone to do it.

Kenny Weiss 23:06
So it was at a general age. You know,

Andrew Stotz 23:09
I guess if I was to say, if you just taught me off my head, I'd say, you know, I don't know. 1413?

Kenny Weiss 23:15
Was it something around school? Was it something you did at home? And your parents didn't approve of? Did you get caught with something? Do you remember anything? The details around it?

Andrew Stotz 23:25
Well, I mean, I definitely remember the time that I, you know, exploded in my family's house when I was about 13. And my dad called the police and took me to be sent me to the police station. And it was, you know, I definitely lost control. Okay, you know, at that time,

Kenny Weiss 23:45
okay, now, now, think back to that moment. And what was the first memory before that?

Andrew Stotz 23:54
I guess, proof memory related to that event, or memory or the first

Kenny Weiss 24:00
because that's your that was the first shame moment you really attached to it. Oh, my God, of the police. I've lost control. Oh, my gosh, this is horrifically shaming. But there's a moment before that as well or moments before that. So what's well nagging about that,

Andrew Stotz 24:17
that the hardest thing was when I started to erupt in my room and smashing things and all that. I had scissors in my hand and my dad came in and who is he's a gentle soul, to try to subdue me and I put the scissors you know, I stab my father in the hand. Not you know, not like some horrific, you know, things right? Definitely. You know, he heard him and that's what caused him to just get leave and go call the police. Okay,

Kenny Weiss 24:50
so that moment of shame, powerlessness and rage, in that, what's a memory you have earlier than that of those Exact same feelings or one of those feelings.

25:04
I guess there's there's

Andrew Stotz 25:09
I can just feel the feeling of insecurity. You know, just as a young kid, just like the other kids were cooler, the other kids were stronger. The other kids were smarter. You know, I just wasn't any of those things in my mind.

Kenny Weiss 25:24
Yeah. I'm going to stop it there, because I don't want to eat all the time. But that's how the process works. What am I feeling? were my body do I feel it? What's My first memory, most people will tell me something within the one, one to five years from now. And then I'm like, okay, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that, and they always arrive at either a specific memory between two and six, or a feeling of I don't have a memory, but I kind of like you just said, I didn't fit in. Now with some investigation, they'll usually remember it. But that what that shows, is when you consider your mother and that situation and the impact on family and everything. In this moment, even though you're an adult, you're reliving the pain from childhood, you're still tied in, that's how the cycle has played out in your life over and over and over. But the solution is way back there. And so when back gets dealt with, then you can navigate your mother's death without feeling the assault on you. But that's the proof of it, every single person I can do this with and it's always that, and when we get to the source, then they can navigate this moment with power, with Ray, with humility, and without the shame. And so that I just wanted to give people an idea. So they got a grasp, because they can do it for themselves. And that proves to them Oh, my God, there is a cycle. And all of that, just like me, the abusive spouse, I just picked my brother was doing. So all these things, see now I healed that. So I no longer get hit by women. Yeah, yeah. But I had to deal with that. So

Andrew Stotz 27:17
that's fantastic. And it's definitely given me some things think of think about, and I think it gives the audience you know, everybody that's listening, think back to that moment. Now one last thing I want to say is that in the 12 steps of 12 step programs as the fourth step, where we write out, you know, the things that we've done, and the things that we feel ashamed about the things, you know, all this, we make a personal personal inventory. And I was in three different treatment centers. So I had to do three different ones. And then I had to do a fourth one, when I got out, and my sponsor at the time when I was younger, you know, having to go through it. And therefore I had to write these things down, including this event. I that the reason why I can kind of go back to it without you know, crushing pain, is because I've been through it. And not only that, but then basically, later, we basically learn to make amends. And silver, each one of those events in my pass, I went to the people that I harmed, and I apologize, and I made amends, including my dad. And therefore the result of that is that I as my mom often says, I can forgive what you've done, you know in the past, but don't ask me to forget it, I'm still going to remember. So I still have the memories. And I still have the awareness of those things. But I forgiven myself, and I've, let's say overcome it to some extent. Now here today, we learned that still, we still have behaviors, mannerisms, reactions that are based upon things that happened at a young age, but I really want to encourage anybody who's listening right now, you can get the benefit of this. I mean, literally, right now, by grabbing a piece of paper and writing down the worst, worst, worst things that you've done, just, you know, whatever the top three or five things just writing down right now on a piece of paper. Don't show them to anybody just write them down. And it begins the process of you know, as you were talking earlier, I was just thinking about the little kids going dad, there's a monster in that closet. And then when you actually open up the closet, and you see there's nothing in there, you realize, okay, I can face it. So just the process of writing it down is my challenge for the listeners. So anything you'd add to that.

Kenny Weiss 29:51
What you're describing as the self forgiveness process, why it eats at us and kills us is because we don't want to admit it to ourselves. But until I can see, you'll have a chapter in my book The das on my darkness when I saw how manipulative how evil how self centered egotistical, how absolutely, perfectly imperfect I am. Once I could see all of that, and accept it. That's remember we talked about the analogy of letting go. And that's what you get when you let go, that wind pushes you up. Because if I can't, that's why my whole life story, my sex life, all my skeletons are all over the internet. Because if I can forgive myself, and you come and go, Kenny, you're a blankety blank. I'm

30:40
like,

Kenny Weiss 30:43
Yeah, that's true. So you don't have to defend what's defense defenses, I don't want you to know the truth about I've made peace, like you're talking about writing down my deep, darkest secrets. If I can make peace within myself, and forgive myself, well, that opens me up to love. Now in a break, because I can if I can love me, I can love you. And that's, that's what catapults us to the highest building. So you're exactly right. Appreciate that.

Andrew Stotz 31:14
Yeah. So based upon what you learn from this story, and what you continue to learn, what one action would you recommend our listeners take to avoid suffering the same fate?

Kenny Weiss 31:26
It's simple. It's what a very wise man said to me. When I was in the depths of my struggles. He said, Kenny, when I was where you are, I went and became an expert. And that's what I did. And it saved my life. And so whatever it is, you're going through whatever pain it is, that you just don't want to face? Go become an expert in your pain. And that's the only way out. Go become an expert in.

Andrew Stotz 31:55
Wow, that's great. Well, last question, what's your number one goal for the next 12 months?

Kenny Weiss 32:01
My number one goal is a deeper connection with my kids because of my struggles. You know, there's a lot of distance with my kids, and that eats at me. You know, I've done everything I can they need their space, and not all of them. But I don't have the connection I want with my kids. And that's my number one goal is to keep the more I heal me, the more it makes that possible. Well, that's my one goal.

Andrew Stotz 32:36
It sounds like that your journey to success over the next 12 months.

32:41
There you go.

Andrew Stotz 32:44
I look forward to hearing how that progresses. And I challenge you to take that on, I believe that if you know, I'm sure that you can continue to build that I know. Also, having spent now five years with my mother together in Thailand after my dad passed away that we've taken our relationship to a whole nother level that we never would have been able to get to. So I'm really tip my hat to you and encourage you on that. So alright listeners, there you have it another story of loss to keep you winning. My number one goal for the next 12 months is to help you my list to reduce risk in your life. So go to my worst investment ever.com right now and download the risk reduction checklists and see how you measure up. As we conclude, Kenny, I want to thank you again for coming on the show. And on behalf of Ace Dance Academy. I hereby award you alumni status for turning your worst investment ever into your best teaching moment. Do you have any parting words for the audience?

Kenny Weiss 33:45
I just if anyone struggling and you go to my website, I'm offering a free breakthrough call. I'd be happy to help you in any way I can.

Andrew Stotz 33:53
Fantastic. So ladies and gentlemen, just go to Kenny weiss.net and tap into his power. Well, that's a wrap on another great story that was create, grow and protect our wealth and our health. Fellow risk takers. This is your worst podcast hose Andrew Stotz saying. I'll see you on the upside.