Ep525: Toni Lontis – Start Investing in Yourself in Your 20s

Andrew Stotz 00:01
Hello fellow risk takers and welcome to my worst investment ever stories of loss to keep you winning. In our community. We know that to win in investing, you must take risk but to win big, you've got to reduce it. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm on a mission to help 1 million people reduce risk in their lives to reduce risk in your life. Go to my worst investment ever.com today and take the risk reduction assessment I created from a lessons I've learned for more than 500 guests, fellow risk takers, this is your worst podcast host Andrew Stotz, from a Stotz Academy, and I'm here with featured guests, Tony launches, Tony, are you ready to join our mission?

Toni Lontis 00:41
Absolutely. Thank you for having me, Andrew,

Andrew Stotz 00:45
I'm very excited to have you and I want to introduce you to the audience. So let me do that Tony launches is international and radio, TV hosts best selling co author, author, speaker and visionary, Tony quietly entered the entrepreneurial world in 2019, post publication of her memoir, resilience, about her healing and self discovery journey from dysfunction and trauma to helping others heal through their heard words, a chance conversation led to a meeting with an American media company and radio Tony was born. Tony now has multiple live streaming TV shows and series co hosted business shows on different platforms based in the US and broadcasting to the world. 2022 sees her launching every woman's networks, which is sort of a Netflix for women, a Global TV network led by women for women everywhere. Tony, take a minute and fill in, tell us a little bit about the value that you bring to the world.

Toni Lontis 01:50
Oh, Andrew, thank you so much. That's a great question to start the day. It took me a long time to discover if I even had any value to the world. So I that took me into my late 40s and early 50s, to discover that, indeed, everyone has a unique part to play in the world, everyone has a uniqueness that no one can replicate, and took me a long time to realize that.

Andrew Stotz 02:21
Hmm. And you know, it's interesting, because let's think about the young listeners out there. There are a lot of young people out there that really, you know, it's one thing to be maybe told by people around you that you don't have value to bring to the world. It's another one to be surrounded by people who bring a lot of value and you think, oh my god, I'm not like them. It's really hard when you're young, you know, and you don't have the experience. You don't have the knowledge. It's interesting, like, from your own perspective, what advice would you give for a young person right now, who maybe feels like, they just don't know what value they bring right now?

Toni Lontis 02:59
Andrew, I think that if we could teach young people that, number one, they are unique. Number two, they come to the world with their own visions, Mission dreams, and it doesn't have to be huge and monumental doesn't have to be changing the lives of a million people. It may be as simple as creating a safe space to garden for the elderly, it can. Dreams are unique to human beings. And the way that you approach that should be that no one can do what you do. I can't speak like Andrew, Andrew can't speak like Tony, and so forth. So for young people, it's about embracing who you are, because you are uniquely you with your own sets of dreams, values and inspirations. And as a young person, I'd encourage you to get in touch with that now and back yourself. Believe in yourself, have faith in yourself, because you were given those dreams for a reason. And only you can fulfill that reason. And if you don't you deprive the world of your uniqueness, you deprive the world of hearing from you, and only you can do it.

Andrew Stotz 04:19
Love that, you know, a lot of times we think, Oh, I'm going to go read a book and that's going to help me be a better person. But what I'm hearing from you is you have every right and responsibility to basically say, Who am I and what do I bring and I remember somebody told me that go ask people around you, what's something that they like about you or something that's good about you to try to assess. And I asked my mom and my mom said, You know what I liked about you is you're nice to everyone. Wow. You know, then I really and so I think you know that's that's one thing i The other thing you made me think about is that my aunt is But at seven years old now she lives in Greenwich Village in New York, very, you know, densely populated, but somebody many years ago created a garden, on a little part of in between the roads, you know, at the triangle. So it's not a big garden. But you know what the she's part of the neighborhood team that weeds, the garden plants, the plants. And so as you say, start small, small, beautiful.

Toni Lontis 05:32
And Andrew, it will be the people around you that remind me of the things that you don't often see, you're not a good judge of who you are, and your place in the world. It's actually the people around you that will remind you, you have a story. You're fundamentally kind, you're always nice, you're always pleasant, you create a safe space, I feel like I can talk to you about anything. Those are the key things that you need to start to incorporate and think about. Oh, okay, so I'm a nice person, that's a good thing in this world isn't an injury.

Andrew Stotz 06:07
So good. In fact, you when you said that it made me realize, like, We're experts at who we're not like, Oh, I'm not like that, oh, I wish I was like that, that person is like that, like we that's what we often internalize. And I think, you know, becoming an expert of what we are, is what I'm taking away from talking with you. Inspiring, very inspiring. Well, let's go to the time, your worst investment ever. And since no one goes into their worst investment thinking it will be. Tell us a bit about the circumstances leading up to then tell us your unique story.

Toni Lontis 06:48
Then he, Andrew and I were chatting before the show, and I asked permission to flip the worst investment into something a little bit different from my actors. My story goes back into birth, almost I was born with a pre auricular sinus, which is a congenital facial defect. The problem with them is that they cause all sorts of infections, usually requiring surgery. And with mine, unfortunately, after the third love surgery, I was left with left sided facial palsy. So in my younger life, I couldn't smile, I couldn't eat properly, I couldn't close my mouth properly. I dribbled a typical stroke symptoms. And I carried that through until much later in life. And so for me, the worst investment was in myself, it took me until my 50s to discover who I was what, uniquely, Tony had to offer the world. And I never invested in myself, my growth, my learning or my healing. Until midlife. I don't want young people listening to the podcast today that think that you can't start investing in yourself from the get go. So if you're a teenager or a young person listening, I want you to start investing in yourself. And that means finding out who you are finding out your personality, finding out if you need some to work through some trauma and get some healing happening in your life. Because that's the worst investment for you. If you don't invest in yourself early, don't leave it to midlife like I did. Because you've not wasted all that time. But you could have started so much earlier, Andrew, so I absolutely believe that is my worst investment was not investing and believing in myself in my 20s when I probably had the opportunity.

Andrew Stotz 09:04
Yeah, that's I'm curious about the lessons that you've learned from that. But I, I just also want to go back to in my own perspective, there's just so many things in our head when we're young, that come from all the pressures and, you know, comparing ourselves to other people. And, you know, I was very kind of shy. I was I was timid, I was afraid, you know, I felt threatened, you know, like, big guys were, you know, much, you know, more powerful than me and all that. And so, I had so many constraints. Yeah, I had so many constraints. And now it's funny because I, you know, in our Facebook group for my high school and stuff like that people are like, you're amazing, you know, and I'm like, I wasn't always that way in your eyes. I was like, least likely to succeed but you know, things change and I grew into it. But tell me what how would you summarize the lessons that you've learned because There came a point in time when you started to develop yourself and you look back and think, wow, I could have done this earlier.

Toni Lontis 10:06
Absolutely. It really comes back to that fundamental belief, from early life about not being good enough. And so one of the key learnings that I had to relearn was around self love, and, and learning to support myself in terms of my own emotional needs, in terms of believing in myself. And in terms of the fact that you can do and create anything that you set your mind to. And it doesn't matter when that happens. But gosh, if you learn it in your 20s, if you learn that you are an amazing creative being within your own, right, you can do amazing, phenomenal and immense things across your life. And so one of the key learnings for me was about self respect, self love, and self development. And the second was around fear. Fear is only a thought, it's not an actual thing. It's not a real thing. It's just a feeling. And it only becomes something if you allow it to. So going back to when I first started streaming live on radio out of the US, I spent the first six months physically sick before I got behind the microphone. But I kept doing it and kept doing it, because something at the back of my head said, You need to be doing this. And so I just kept doing it and kept doing it. Until I started to believe okay, this is alright, I can do this. It's about feeling that fear and going. Thank you, lizard brain. Thank you for the protection you offer me. I'm gonna do this. And I'm going to do it my way. And eventually, your brain gets on board with it and goes, Oh, okay, scared, scared, scared on Mondays got it right, relax, off you go. Yes, fear is just a thought. In our minds. It only takes root if we allow it to. And that was another one of the key lessons for me, Andrew.

Andrew Stotz 12:15
Yeah. And I think one of the, maybe there's a few things I take away, one of the things I'm just thinking about is that you are telling us to overcome fear through action. Yes. And that's where

Toni Lontis 12:28
the action either Andrew, just little consistent action will get you on the other side of that. And don't think that you're the only one that's scared or fearful. Every human on the planet is wired into a primitive brain. That sole purpose is to stop you from getting hurt. That's its sole purpose. But it doesn't know reality from fiction. It's a primitive brain. It's a primitive thought. And its only job is to protect you. So I start saying, Thank you primitive brain. Thanks for reminding me. It's okay. I've got this. Yep.

Andrew Stotz 13:08
Yeah. There's a few things. I've been taking notes here writing down some things. The first thing I thought, you know, for the listeners out there that I took away, start now, start today. I'd say at the end of this listening to this podcast going on someone you know, what do you think is one of my strengths and start building on that strength. The second thing is, I use a book by Eckhart Tolle A which is practicing the power of now. And I particularly I have it on audiobook. So if I wake up in the middle of night, in fear and panic, I just don't listen that book, and he narrows down the focus to this moment. And at this moment, I'm okay. And then you start to realize the primitive brain that you're talking about and how it's creating this fear of the future and pain from the past. And it doesn't want to live in the moment. And so

Toni Lontis 13:58
it's often two or three o'clock in the morning, isn't it? Yeah, it's three o'clock in the morning. Are you struggling to go to sleep? And here comes those voices in your brain that go are not good enough? You can't do this. Who do you think you are? Old Vaseline

Andrew Stotz 14:13
on? Everybody has it too. And that's the other lesson that you're saying is that it's not just you, we all have it. And that reminds me of something that someone said to me when I was young, he said, Because basically, if we look at ourselves, we look at our insides. We're very familiar with all of our weaknesses. When we look inside, we don't think I'm a loving person. I'm a kind person, we say, Oh, I missed this deadline. I'm late for work. I'm always this that, you know, and I'm not exercising the way I want, you know, and it's just like, all the weaknesses. And he said, and then of course, when you present yourself, you know, you're dressed up nice, and you look good, and you go out and that's what everybody does. And he said, Don't compare your insides to other people's outsides. Correct. Correct. And that's a real reminder of what you're talking about. And the last thing I would just say is that, you know, one of the things that's great in life is that there's these pivotal moments, you know, it could be that you went on a scouting, you know, retreat, or could be that you went on a sports, summer camp or whatever that thing is, but there's some event that can really change your life. And mine was I was addicted to drugs and alcohol. And at a very young age, I ended up going through three rehabs and the final one really took hold. But basically, they're in that rehab, practicing 12 Step Program, and all that basically stripped me down, you know, I stripped myself down to the core of who I was, and it was very painful. And even, you know, I mean, I was lived a pretty normal life. It's not like I was abused or beaten, or all of that, but I still, there was so much discomfort, pain, insecurity, and basically, this treatment place treatment center was fantastic. And then it really said, Alright, bring that up, bring that up, bring that up. And then they brought my parents on a regular basis to say, as a family, bring that up, talk about it. And they really, really, really encouraged me to bring up everything. And as a result, when I left, there, I was 17 years old, and I left there. And that was, basically in September, it'll be 40 years that I've been clean and sober. And by practicing those principles, but the main thing is that they gave me a reboot to my computer. And I just think about that pivotal events that we can have in our life, you know, it may come later, it could come earlier. But you know, try to grab those moments in and get the reboot that you can by being around new people, new ideas and all that. Definitely. Yeah, definitely. So based upon what you learn from this story, and what you continue to learn, which I know, you're a learner, and you're sharing so much wisdom, tell me what action would you recommend our listeners take to avoid suffering the same fate?

Toni Lontis 17:08
I think the one action is to believe in yourself, when no one else believes in you, when you don't feel like you've got support. Believe in yourself. Because as I said, at the beginning of the show, Andrew, you are a unique and valuable human being you have been given. It's a gift that you've been given dreams, and values and thoughts. They're yours. They're uniquely yours, start believing in yourself and just keep going a little step at a time when I was in the depths of the worst, darkest, most horrible period in my life. One of the key moments was when one of my counselors a psychologist said to me, Tony, when you're in that dark space, where you just don't want to be alive anymore, and the pain is so bad, you can't bear it. All you have to do is breathe in and breathe out. And for the next minute, all you have to do is breathe in and breathe out. And it was one of the key learnings for me that I use all the time still, in moments of intense pain, displeasure, distress, fear, whatever it is, just stop and think for the next minute, all I have to do is breathe in, breathe out. That minute becomes two minutes, three minutes, four minutes, five minutes. That's all it takes to stop your brain stressing and put you back into equilibrium. That's a powerful key.

Andrew Stotz 18:55
Power parents say that that goes down is one of the better. One of the best actionable advice very simple. You know, do it any time.

Toni Lontis 19:04
underestimate the power of the breath. Because often, if you're in fear, and worry and strife and pain, your breathing is rapid. The simple, slowing it down, breathing in and breathing out, takes you from that place in your mind to a calmer place. That's what you need to do. And I'm telling you, once you've done it, it becomes habit and your life gets better. Not right now. Not maybe in a day. But it gets better. I'm telling you. Absolutely. It gets better.

Andrew Stotz 19:43
Great actionable advice. Now let me ask you another question. What some resource that you'd recommend to our listeners one of your own or whatever's you know, something that's valuable.

Toni Lontis 19:54
So, on my website, Tony lantis.com We have lots of free and paid ebooks, gratitude courses, I've got a hope therapy course, all of those things based on some of the learnings that I've had during my life. Also you got access to my books, you can connect with me, you can sign up to the newsletter. So we do weekly newsletters that tells you about what's happening in our world. And what's what my guests are coming on the show to talk about. And under 20 launches.com, type in freebies, and you will find lots of gifts and lots of things that will help you on the way things like gratitude, and hope. The most important today, if not, the most important time is now to have hope and gratitude. Because we've had a tough couple of

Andrew Stotz 20:59
screens off.

Toni Lontis 21:00
It's been tough. Yeah. And if ever there's a point you want to start learning about things that will move you forward. I encourage you jump on the website, have a look around, or Google, gratefulness, trauma, healing, hope, anything that gets you moving on the right course, is what you need to do.

Andrew Stotz 21:22
Fantastic. Last question, what is your number one goal for the next 12 months.

Toni Lontis 21:29
My number one goal is to launch everyday Women's Network, which will be a network for women and the men that support them. Underneath the network will be amazing channels filled with information that will inspire and empower, educate and help you. And everyday women's network.tv is the website for the network. And you'll find low demand. I'm always open to questions. We're looking actively for channel partners and partners to go onto the network. So we have some of the best content across the world. So that's my number one goal in the short term. And the number two goal would be to have 25,000 subscribers by the end of 2022. On the network. Today, you got big plans for 2022.

Andrew Stotz 22:28
That's exciting. And we'll have links to all that in the show notes. All right, listeners, there you have it another story of loss to keep you winning. If you haven't yet taken the risk reduction assessment, I challenge you to go to my worst investment ever.com Right now, and start building wealth, the easy way by reducing risk. As we conclude, I Tony, I really want to thank you for coming on the show and joining our mission and on behalf of a stocks Academy I hereby award you alumni status for turning your worst investment ever into your best teaching moment. Do you have any parting words for the audience?

Toni Lontis 23:08
Angie, thank you so much for allowing me the privilege of talking to your audience today. It's been a lovely session, and I'm very grateful.

Andrew Stotz 23:16
We appreciate it. And that's a wrap on another great story to help us create, grow and protect our wealth in our health. Fellow risk takers this is your worst podcast host Andrew Stotz saying thank you for joining our mission. And I'll see you on the upside.