Ep406: Melinda Van Fleet – Lessons From Your Mistakes Make You Confident

Andrew Stotz 00:01
Hello fellow risk takers and welcome to my worst investment ever stories of loss to keep you winning. In our community. We know that to win in investing, you must take risk, but to win big, you've got to reduce it. To join our community go to my worst investment ever.com right now and receive these five free benefits first, you get the risk reduction checklist I created from the lessons I've learned from all my guests. Second, you get my weekly email to help you increase your investment return. Third, you get a 25% discount on all a Stotz Academy courses. Fourth, you get access to our Facebook community to get to know guests and fellow listeners. And finally you get my curated list of my favorite 10 podcast episodes. Fellow risk takers This is your worst podcast host Andrew Stotz from a Stotz Academy, I'm here with featured guest, Melinda vanfleet. Melinda, are you ready to rock?

Melinda Van Fleet 00:58
Hi, sure am Andrew. Thanks for having me.

Andrew Stotz 01:00
Yeah, it's great to have you and I know you're on fire because it is not. It is, let's say a very early hour of the day in your part of the world. So I appreciate you coming on in such an early hour.

Melinda Van Fleet 01:14
Yeah, and I'm just excited. And I love this time of day. So it's all good.

Andrew Stotz 01:19
Yeah, I know. I just I love the mornings I get up. I get up so early. And just people ask me, How do you is so efficient? I said, because nobody bothers me for the first four hours of the day.

Melinda Van Fleet 01:30
It is so true. People don't realize that. Oh, my gosh, I got a story for that.

Andrew Stotz 01:35
Yeah, exactly. Well, let me introduce you to the audience. Melinda vanfleet is a confidence and peak performance coach, best selling author of confidence, mastery for couples, and speaker who works with business women, to believe in themselves, take action, and get results. But then is also the host of two podcasts, the good karma success coach, and confident conversations, you can easily reach her at LinkedIn. Well, Melinda, take a minute in Philly, for the tidbits about yourself.

Melinda Van Fleet 02:11
Yes, thank you so much. And my tidbits actually weave into what my worst investment ever is. So I appreciate you letting me share. My husband's Yeah, so my husband Ryan and I were newly married had been like a year and a half. And it's now 2009. And we both got laid off from our jobs at the same time. Oh, yes. So what did the

Andrew Stotz 02:41
company or different company,

Melinda Van Fleet 02:43
different companies I got laid off in January, I loved my job. But my company that I worked for, as a retail buyer had been through three massive rounds of layoffs. And then my husband hated his job. And he got laid off in June. And we had been talking about and strategizing and putting a plan together to move somewhere where it never ever snowed. And we had we're currently living in Minneapolis, Minnesota at this time. So we were talking about it, dreaming about it, I was helping my husband worked through depression issues living there, but we weren't ready. We didn't have the money, we were not ready. And we decided after having a little bit of inspiration from other people, to pack our bags, sell everything we could and move to the Florida Keys. Well, we moved down to the Florida Keys, we didn't know anyone. We had hardly any money. We didn't have any jobs. And we'd never even been here. So it was the biggest risk you could possibly imagine for two newlyweds to come together and figure it out and start over completely from scratch, changing their lives, changing their career, changing everything that you can imagine. So part of our story is that we built two successful businesses. But all along, I always said someday when we get our quote unquote, shit together, we would help others. So then fast forward to 2017 I had already built then, by then a successful sales business doing over 2 million in sales all by myself. And my husband built a small business as a charter boat captain, which was his dream. And I was kind of the inspiration behind that, you know, kind of kicking his button to gear to finally do it right. So a lot of confidence work in that arena. And that's kind of the story of how we got down here with Which was just a lot of confidence building exercises, which then led me to want to become a coach and help others do the same believe in themselves and take action.

Andrew Stotz 05:14
You know, I'm just looking at your books that you have on Amazon and seeing the super high reviews that you've got, you know, you've obviously got a lot to give in the relay in the area of of confidence in couples in breakthroughs in small business, taking risks, you know, so many things, I wonder if maybe you could just give a tip or two to the audience out there, that listening, you know, something that you've learned from your experience that you bring to your clients and to people's, you know, lives?

Melinda Van Fleet 05:45
Yes, thank you. And I appreciate that writing. That first solo book was such a journey. And even was a dream. It was a journey when my husband sat down to read it for the first time, because I was like, Oh, is he gonna kill me for all I share? Because I definitely share some authentic and transparent stories. But again, like I did it to help others, I want to be relatable, I want people to know they are not alone. So that is my biggest takeaway from this whole journey is for people to realize they are not alone. And it's okay, that things will work out. And that is definitely something that I think when you're going through a really hard time, a challenging time. Sometimes you think it's just you, or it's your fault, or there's nothing that can be done, or there's nothing that can be fixed or worked out. And that's just not true. Like everything will work itself out. At the end of every storm, there's a rainbow, right? So you just have to keep the faith and keep going and know innately. And it takes time. And it takes practice. And it takes a lot of reminders that it will work out and it will be okay.

Andrew Stotz 07:01
That's beautiful. And that's that's valuable. Because I know sometimes it can get quite dark. I know also, I'm sure you've had it in other people listening have had that experience. When you're really struggling with a particular situation. It seems like nobody else's. And then one day you get a chance to talk to someone and they're like, yeah, we're all struggling with that. And you think, oh, so it's not just me. Yay.

Melinda Van Fleet 07:26
And doesn't it alleviate so much pressure and mind loops and all the things right, exactly, exactly.

Andrew Stotz 07:33
So yeah, I guess what I, what I take away from that is the idea, you know, for all of us that take off that pressure? Because your chances are it's just us putting it on ourselves. It's not really existing out there the way we perceive it to be? Yeah, well, now, it's time to share your worst investment ever. And since no one ever goes into their worst investment thinking it will be tell us a bit about the circumstances leading up to it. And then tell us your story.

Melinda Van Fleet 08:01
Yes, and Absolutely. And one of the things too, that some people might be scratching their head when I first say this is aren't you? Are you a coach? Like what are you talking about? So I would say my worst investment ever is probably a fourth. I was trying to put a number together for you for this podcast, but it's just been going on for so long. A fourth of what I've spent in total on coaching courses, different seminars, getting sucked into extra bonuses. Those would probably be some of my worst investments ever. Where I had to do a lot of self work to go, oh my gosh, did I really need to spend this money on this coach? This coaches have coaches, and the coaching industry is what billions of dollars Andrew, would you say? Yep. So there's a lot out there that you have to learn to discern and move through. And then you know, I have different takeaways from that, but maybe a new journey.

Andrew Stotz 09:13
Maybe you could highlight, you know, one of them that was kind of like, ah, I didn't need to spend this this darkness. There's nothing like what I thought it was gonna be. Or Yeah, no, I know, I I went on a course I took a course and you know, there was a lot of good to it. It was so good. So it's like I didn't feel like I could ask for a refund because I felt like it was good. But I just wasn't in the space to implement it, which meant it was kind of a waste.

Melinda Van Fleet 09:42
Yes, yes, absolutely. And those are definitely some key takeaways. I would say my journey with the coaching and course industry if I want to bucket it like that started in early 2018 when I learned about podcasting and it opened my eyes to this whole lane, this whole space of online business. And the first course I ever did was fantastic. It got us into podcasting. It taught me how to podcast, which I then shared with my husband, he started his podcast before me. He started his podcast in August 2018. So I did the work and then taught him what to do. And then he launched right. And then I launched mine in April of 2019. And so that was great. So great experience. Oh, my gosh, this was awesome. And then after that, it became Mr. toads. Wild, right, right. shiny object and fear of missing out, you know, all those words, those are real. And I had them I lived them. I did them. And I would say, my biggest worst one, and I won't say who the person is, because he's pretty dang popular. Yeah, but I went to one of his events, and ended up and I pretty tough cookie. I've been through timeshare situations, you know, in Mexico, right? So I'm gonna say no. But at this person's event, I ended up saying yes to all these other things. And was like, What am I doing? I don't even like doing this. I, this is not my background at all. It's not my skill set, what am I doing? And then I ended up even going further into it, because I would attend the first piece of it that I paid for, and they would go Oh, no, no, no. The second piece is what you need more of. And that's when we're really going to reveal blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you end up buying more. And it just became this whole rabbit hole of spending and having faith and having hope that I was going to learn this. And this was going to make me millions. And I was going to do this. And I was going to be like this person. And it was just this massive time suck and hole of money.

Andrew Stotz 12:01
So maybe you can share what you learn from this experience?

Melinda Van Fleet 12:05
Yes, cuz I definitely learned a lot. Number one, I've learned that through all these coaching, and because there's some coaches in this bucket, there's other courses, this obviously big event was a huge thing. But it has helped me become a better coach. And it has helped me understand the importance of listening. Because I've hired some coaches that don't listen. So that's been a piece of it. And listening is so important. And we you know, we've all heard it, we have two years in one mouth, right? So really listening, really asking questions, and not just spewing off, you know, whatever you know, or things that you know, just are a lot of jargon or repeat or things that someone could easily find in an online magazine. And then pivoting to what the client needs, really taking that information and changing because unfortunately, I've had coaches before that don't do that. So that's just really, really important. So that is number one. Number two, I would say I learned to trust my gut. And my intuition, however you want to say it. And often, I would end up buying something when I didn't have a good feeling. But my head would start to take over and I would again have this shiny object if you're missing out. And at the end of the day, then I ended up buying it going, Oh, well, I should buy it, the time is running out. They only do this course once a year, you know all those things that we hear with the marketing spiel and things that get in your head or you listen to somebody else. So really trying to take some time to discern, you know, what feels good to you what feels right, what do you really need. And maybe you don't need this whole big package, maybe there's someone else that can help you on a smaller level for just like a nugget that you're really struggling with or something that you need to fine tune. And then number three is I would say, you know, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. And that's like a super, super famous quote, right? You've probably heard that before. And along the lines of what you said is, you know, sometimes you you buy something, and you end up going, Oh, I don't really need this now. Well, with a lot of courses, you have lifetime access, and you can go back. So don't beat yourself up too hard, because you might just you just might not need it. Now. You might need it at some other point in your life or career or your business. And also too if you're working with a coach, you know, don't be afraid to speak up and ask for what you need. So many people don't communicate. So there is a piece of that where you have to take a little bit of ownership and recognize that you can You know, tried to change some things as well, to move through them, or, you know, put the course to the side, you're like, you know, this doesn't really resonate with me right now, maybe I'll circle back to it in a year or so, and not consider it a complete waste.

Andrew Stotz 15:17
And maybe I'll summarize some of the things I take away from what you've talked about, one of the things you remind me of is I went to an event I, there's a speaker's bureau type of thing here in Thailand. And a guy asked me, he runs it. And he asked me to come. And he said, just check out the speaker. And, you know, it was a free event. So I just went, and I kind of sat in the back, and I just took notes. Because I also teach a course on how to give a great presentation. So I always enjoy just observing, and oh, my God, this guy unleashed, on least, these really powerful weapons on the audience, have all kinds of tricky, sneaky ways of getting them to go along with what he was saying. And I was just an observer in a way and like the way he got people to stand up and the way he got people to rush to the stage and the way he got people to shout out, yes. and confirm. And then the way he got it, literally, it ended with what's that dance where you put your hands on that person's shoulders in front of you, and you kind of go around the room? Like a conga line. Yeah, he was like a conga line back to the credit card machine. Oh, my God. And I was like, Oh, my God. Now, I just, it just reminded me of that event. And, and, you know, that guy could have looked at me and said, Hey, I just brought in some real money. And, you know, what do you bring in, in your speech? You know, and I thought, Yeah, okay. There's a balance. I mean, you can't, can't expect to have success and not apply some things that you learn like that. But for me, that was just like, overwhelming. And I believe it would be very hard for him to deliver on what he was getting them to pay for. So that just reminded me that I just want to say to the audience, you know, keep your try to try to keep your mind open, and observe what's happening, observe what's going on around you. And the second thing that it reminded me I was recently, I had a, someone that came to me and asked me to talk to them about Neil, basically, because I'm an expert in the stock market, they said, as an analyst, they say we want our stock price to go up. And, you know, we think that you could probably help us to figure out, you know, how we can become more attractive, or maybe to the market and all that. And then I just said, instead of explaining my services and things that I do, I just said, Do you mind if I asked you some questions? And literally, it was an hour of question. And then I finally at the end of the hour, I just said, Look, would you like to hear my opinion? And they said, Yeah, I'd say, your message is not clear. The market, there's no way the market could understand really, where your growth is coming from and all of that. And they were like, wow, yeah, that's so true. And we see it now. And, you know, I guarantee you this, this, this guy will become a client of mine. And it was only because all I did was ask questions. And I think that, you know, you remind me of the power of when you want to help someone in a business as a coach, as an advisor, ask more questions. And thank you for reminding me that. Is there anything you'd add to that?

Melinda Van Fleet 18:36
Yeah, I know, those are both very, very powerful examples and stories. And that's awesome that you shared that because yeah, I do believe, you know, some of these events. They're so ginormous. And they've been going on for years, that there's got to be a lot of other people out there going. Yep, I've been there. I did that. So I appreciate you sharing that. And yeah, the power of listening and asking questions, because here's the thing, too, Andrew is, you know, we're all different. We're all different. We all have different needs and experiences. And when you bucket somebody just into your coaching program, that may or may not work for them, because of whatever reason, you know, their experience their own evolution and growth over time, what they need what they're experiencing on a day to day basis, like it just doesn't doesn't work. That's the old paradigm. And the paradigm is shifting, to really help people on the level that they need help. So the asking the questions and the really listening is really what's going to be able to help people go forward and that's my intention is to help as many people as possible I know that your intention as well. So you have to have that skill set of like listening and asking questions, which is as basic as it can be right? I didn't make this up. So simple. Does anyone really always do it? No. So yes, yeah, just, you know, remind yourself right on a sticky. And just remind yourself that those are just really important key principles that need to be in the coaching world, like regularly without even question.

Andrew Stotz 20:16
Yeah, I remember someone told me many years ago that you can't speak and write at the same time. So it's good to take notes. And with these guys, I just decided I'm going to my goal is to fill this page, at least this page full of notes. And it just slows down the conversation. It allows them to think it allows, you know me to just kind of take notes, and I just, you know, such a valuable reminder. So based upon what you learn from this story, and what you continue to learn, what one action would you recommend our listeners take to avoid suffering the same fate?

Melinda Van Fleet 20:54
Yeah, I would definitely say, and this is something I have had to work on, I like to be really authentic and transparent. Like, you know, I had to work on this myself. And it's still something I have to remind myself to do, and it's just take your time. Take your time, don't rush. Think about it. See how you feel, you know, if you need to do some research, if you need to ask around, you know, really take that time. And don't feel like, you know, if you make a bad choice that, that you made some massive mistake, right? We can all learn from these situations. Great, but it's really important just to take the time to do this.

Andrew Stotz 21:37
All right. Last question. What's your number one goal for the next 12 months?

Melinda Van Fleet 21:41
Oh, wow. So this podcast is a sneak peek of my third book. So yeah, so I loved the topic in the conversation. So big picture, obviously, still working with my clients, and in my business, and just helping as many people as possible, and really putting these tools and life experiences that I have learned and that I've seen an awful lot from my husband's learning and growth, know into practice. But then also, again, applying some of these stories and tools into my third book, which will come out definitely by December, and then we're in 2021. So some time there. I haven't picked a date yet. So yeah, I have a lot going on, but all very exciting. And I love sharing and helping others. So it's just so

Andrew Stotz 22:36
it's all good. Fantastic. Well, listeners, there you have it another story of loss, to keep you winning. My number one goal for the next 12 months is to help you my listener, reduce risk and increase return in your life. To achieve this, I've created our community at my worst investment. ever.com. I look forward to seeing you there. As we conclude. Melinda, I want to thank you again for coming on the show. And on behalf of a Stotz Academy, I hereby award you alumni status for turning your worst investment ever into your best teaching moment. Do you have any parting words for the audience?

Melinda Van Fleet 23:12
I would say first of all, thank you, Andrew, and thank you to your audience for listening. And as far as a big parting words, always remember that all learnings help build your confidence and there are no mistakes. It will all work out.

Andrew Stotz 23:29
Beautiful words. Well, that's a wrap on another great story to help us create, grow and protect our well fellow risk takers. This is your worst podcast host Andrew Stotz saying. I'll see you on the upside.