Ep370: Rashmi Shetty – When You Let Go Of External Validation the World Opens Up

Andrew Stotz 00:01
Hello fellow risk takers and welcome to my worst investment ever stories of loss to keep you winning in our community. We know that to win in investing, you must take risk but to win big, you've got to reduce it. And I bet you're exposed to investment risk right now to reduce it go to my worst investment ever.com and download the risk reduction checklist I've made specifically for you my podcast. This is based on the lessons I've learned from all my guests. Fellow risk takers, this is your worst podcast host Andrew Stotz, from a Stotz Academy, and I'm here with featured guests, Rashmi Shetty, Rashmi, are you ready to rock

Rashmi Shetty 00:43
up cause Yes, definitely.

Andrew Stotz 00:47
Let's have some fun. All right. Well, let me introduce you to the audience. Rashmi Shetty is a voice, voice and attitudinal coach, and a professional certified coach from ICF. She brings in over decades of work experience in various sectors such as academia, hospitality, storytelling, consulting, coaching, radio, anchoring and emceeing a keynote and motivational speaker. She believes in your attitude, designed your altitude, and national and international award winner for scripting and narrating radio documentaries. She was honored with the iconic woman creating a better world for all award in July 2020. From the women Economic Forum, and is also an active member with a global body called climate coaching. Alliance. Rashmi take a moment and fill in for their tidbits about your life.

Rashmi Shetty 01:43
Certain things I like to add on my own Andrew, I'm a mother of two boys. And they are 25 and 23. And they kind of fill in the spaces where self coaching is required, because sometimes their questions get me thinking of what I'm doing with myself, a beautiful space of mothering, where I learned a lot about myself. Yeah, the rest, I think you've said this, but I always like to save myself.

Andrew Stotz 02:13
So it's interesting that you talked about questioning, sometimes we think of questioning as meaning that you have doubt and you kind of looked at questioning as a way of learning. Yeah. Maybe you could just explain the value of questioning.

Rashmi Shetty 02:30
Oh, you know, personally, as a coach, that's all we do. Because to ask the right questions, you need to listen very well. And a lot of that experience came from my radio journey, where I was a chat show host myself. And I realized that organic conversations evolved into something very beautiful indeed, when you listen well and ask the right questions, because if the guest who's there before you is ready to tell his or her story, and is asked the right questions, it completely has a different side of the story that the guest brings to the table. So that's an island.

Andrew Stotz 03:11
It's, it's great. And I think, you know, one of the questions I have is, how do we become better listeners? I mean, it's so it's hard. We're thinking about what's in our head, we're thinking about what's coming next. And it's just hard to listen, I'm just curious if you have some advice for the audience. And me.

Rashmi Shetty 03:30
One of the biggest tips I learned in listening is, it is natural wonders. As a human, we have our perceptions, our experience bombarding us when we are having conversations. So when we listen to a statement, a comment or a story, we are waiting to put in our thoughts. But what helps us become better listeners is to get into the habit, a tip that has really helped me is to keep a paper and pen with you. And if a thought occurs to you, when somebody is narrating the story, just put down that thought on the paper because you empty that space on your head. And automatically you end up listening a lot better, because that thought is now out on that paper. It doesn't disturb you a lot. So this is one tip that has really worked. And the second thing that as coaches we are also trained is getting to a space non judgement to just be there. Thank you being there. And you will enjoy any conversation. So that's one thing that I do.

Andrew Stotz 04:33
It's great advice. And the thing about writing is when you're writing, it's very hard to speak. So it forces you to not be exactly the non judgmental thing is such a hard one because, you know after living, I've lived now more of my life in Thailand than I lived in America where I grew up. And I was forced to kind of look at things in a different way here because things are just different and then going to China. Going to India, traveling around Asia. And you just see things that are just so different from what I was used to when I was growing up and all that. And the first reaction that you can often have is, that's bad. That's wrong. That's strange. But in fact, if you can step back and look at it and say, Well, what is strange what is right, what is wrong? And I started to realize that society's kind of construct, what the way we're supposed to think and the way we're supposed to be. And then I think the challenge is, is if we can break out of that framework that we're in, it's got to be one of the most liberating things when I was in China. And I just remember sitting there and thinking, you know, I don't that that seems strange to me, why is the person doing that? And why are they doing this? And that, and I thought, you know, 5000 years they've been here America is, you know, very young country in that extent. And then I just started thinking, you know, okay, I think I'm willing to have my mind open. I think India is also a place where you just bombarded as, I'm sure even for, for people, you know, Indian to live in an environment that just so vibrant. But for someone going there like myself with everything is new, and you're just bombarded. I think it's the ultimate freedom is to be able to break free of your framework. And I don't think you can really adopt the framework of another country that easily but you can at least observe.

Rashmi Shetty 06:36
Exactly, and starting with a why I think, is a wonderful way to do it. Because that's when you stop judging other people and customs. You know, the Eastern philosophy from where India comes and is completely soaked in has a lot of festivals through the year. And usually when it is a festival time, and the extended family gets together, we all eat on the banana beach. And I always used to wonder why. Even that simple thing of eating on that banana leaf, I think is such a beautiful way to adapt with nature. Because banana is one tree that doesn't have any problem being cut, because to regenerate, it's the easiest tree. And it grows all through the year. So you're not anywhere displacing the environmental balance by using banana leaves. And the banana leaf is as broad as a plate and all the delicacies can be served on it. And even something as simple as that. If he asked with a why, and we get the answer. Even this answer is enough for you to stop judging why a tradition has been followed. So I think being non judgmental is getting to the base of asking the why and seeking those answers.

Andrew Stotz 07:52
Now I'm getting hungry. And I can remember eating on the banana leaf and enjoying you know, I mean, so much great food to India. So Fantastic. Well, it's great getting to know you and now it's time to share your worst investment ever. And since no one ever goes into their worst investment thinking it will be. Please tell us a bit about the circumstances leading up to it then tell us your story.

Rashmi Shetty 08:22
Okay, this happened years ago, years ago while I was in college, and I was this very shy girl. And I grew up completely in an all girls school, all girls college. So talking to more than one person, and second or third person walks in. I forget what I was talking to this person I was that painfully shy though I didn't like it. I didn't know how to get over it. And when I was in my final year of graduation, all of 20 years old. The Union elections in the college were announced, being who I was I didn't even aspire to take a position. And I was surprised when one of my classmates she was a class representative who came in one day and I was studying in the English department. She came into our class and she said Rashmi, you know what, the union nominations have all started coming in and the English department doesn't have a single nomination. Why don't you nominate yourself for being the cultural secretary? Now in our union, it was never the president who was the most popular girl, the cultural secretary was the most coveted position. Because this girl becomes famous all over the city colleges, boys and girls, everyone gets to know who's the cultural secretary of our college. And I didn't even know I was aspiring for that position. Because the moment she said that, I was like, yeah, and because she said cultural secretary, I didn't even have a second thought on it. We went we filed the nomination came back and I wrote my speech. I thought, This is my best investment ever to get into leadership, fame, getting everyone to see who Russ reshooting is and to know her and becoming famous in the city. So what started off as the best investment hit me only on the day of the election. I was all set, you wake me up in the middle of the night and asked me my speech, I could say it backwards. I knew it so well, because our election speeches were just half a4 size. And when I reached the auditorium, and I saw those 5000 girls staring at me, I froze. I froze. And I became stoned in silence because I was like, Oh, my God, what have I signed up for. And at that point, I put a lot of difficulty, I climbed up the podium, I reached the stage. And as I was getting closer to the podium, my speech was in my hand, and by the time the walk from the steps to the podium happened, the speech was completely crumbled out. And I, I only doubt at the podium, and I look at it, and two big drops followed. I am staring at a blank paper because it was not waterproof ink. And I'm blank up here as well. This was my worst investment. This water, I thought, how could I do this? I can't talk to more than two people. And here I have to address 5000 girls to say why I'm the ideal candidate, what was I thinking? And what I set out as the best investment turned out to be the worst, because a little into that moment, by the time I could just assimilate what was happening, because started booing whistling because nobody knew my name. They didn't even know who was talking to them. I don't even have the courage to tell them because I was dry up here. And I just leveled something I still don't know when I spoke Andrew. But I said something and I ran backstage and burst out crying. I was so ashamed that the whole college will now know me and laugh at me scoff at me. And having done this stupid act of getting up there to be a leader when I thought that was my

12:27
best investment.

Rashmi Shetty 12:29
But what it helped me and how it helped me is who I am today. And what I considered my worst turned out to be my best investment ever.

Andrew Stotz 12:42
So maybe you can go through that and tell us what you learn. And how did that develop? Yes,

Rashmi Shetty 12:47
I would definitely love to share that. Because I feel that most of us stop the moment external validation stops, we depend so much on external validation. And life is not about the external validation. The moment we stop giving importance to external validation, what really makes a difference is who you are on the inside of you. And that helps you turn out to be what you eventually become. And that's exactly what happened with me as well. So when I was crying, one of my friends came up to me and she gave me a bottle of water. I was drinking that water. And at that point, she said, if at all There is someone, something stopping you, it's you yourself.

13:38
Hmm.

Rashmi Shetty 13:39
So look into the mirror and start talking to your reflection. And this is the biggest lesson that I have started using and sharing wherever I had gone. The mirror is that reflection point, which really speaks to you and tells you what the world is looking at. Because for me at that point of time, standing in front of the mirror and looking into my reflection and talking and doing this as an exercise, it was as much an exercise as getting up and brushing my teeth. I started doing it every day. And there came a day when I was completely comfortable looking into my reflection and speaking without feeling judged. And that I realized helped me become who I became and I started noticing the world around me. Every one has those self doubts. Even though you are the best speaker in town The moment you get up or just before you get up on stage. You have those doubts lingering will I perform? And I think it's important because that's what keeps you on your toes and helps you perform. And that is exactly what helped me as well. And then on. Like I said I joined public speaking classes I learned what it is the different techniques and more moved on to a place where it came to a point where if Russia is part of a competition, we only have to see who's second. And third, because the first place is taken. So to move from there, that's why I call it my biggest investment. Because if I had not stepped on that leadership journey, I wouldn't be who I am today. And I think that has been the biggest teaching.

Andrew Stotz 15:23
It's interesting, because you know, what, what we say is one of the biggest reasons why people are afraid of speaking in public is because of social rejection, you know, that we won't be accepted by the group, and all that. And what happened is you had to deal with that, you know, on that first time. So it's almost like it couldn't get worse, it can only get better, as you started to improve yourself. And I think, sometimes when we just do a complete wipe out, and we really don't do a good job on something, it also not only does it say, well, it can only get better from here. Number one, but the other one is that it powers us up. And you talked about how it power you up to Well, first of all, it brought you to a point where you got that advice about if anything's holding you back, it's it's on the you. Yeah. So it got you to that point where you got that critical advice. But it also gave you the motivation to say, I can change this. And so I think that's what, what I take away, you know, from your story. And I think it's, that's the challenge for all of us, whether it's public speaking or any other thing that we're trying to excel at, sometimes we need to fail a little bit. And then from that, it gets us to be focused. And so that's what I would say, I took away from your story, anything that you would add to that?

Rashmi Shetty 16:56
Yes, because I feel that the moment you start giving external validation importance, you stop looking inward. Because recently when we had get together much before COVID, when we had to get together in college, and we had to share our embarrassing moments. And when I went up and shared this, nobody remembered. I had spent a whole year thinking the world is going to look at me as a failure. And here No, everyone was like, did you stand for election, I was impossible, we don't remember. And so the biggest advice that I have is don't bother, nobody cares. Everyone has their own life to look into. And you're the last in that list. So just chill, make or break those failures, learn from them move on.

Andrew Stotz 17:46
He bore a lot less interested in you. Yeah, you think they are? But Exactly. What's interesting, you know, and I want you to think about this, as I asked, the next question is that, you know, take your average, 15 year old, your average 20 year old and you try to convince them that they don't see that? Yeah, they're gonna be, you know, like, No, no, this is serious. This is really. And so the next question is based upon what you learn from this story, and what you continue to learn, what one action would you recommend our listeners take to avoid suffering the same fate?

Rashmi Shetty 18:24
Get out of your comfort zone, because I feel the real life and promise is on the other side. And you never know what is on the other side till you get out of it. You know, all of us draw this comfort zone around which we Excel. And getting out of that space will only show you how much more you're capable of, because your comfort zone is your limitation. And the moment you step out of it to try something maybe the first time you'd fail, but it's worth it. Because what comes out of it is way beyond what you can see of yourself. And I think that is very important.

Andrew Stotz 19:01
It's a great message. And I think, you know, if I look at myself when I was 17, or 18, my goal was to be a television repairman. And I saw a friend of mine that had a little house that he bought, and he worked at a television repair shop. And I thought that's the life I want. But somehow I went on this journey that took me from Ohio, to California to Thailand. And now I'm in such a you know, much farther away from where ever I could have never imagined and even my 82 year old mother lives with me. And she's here in Thailand with me after my father died and nobody would have said, well, when you retire and your husband passes away, you'll be living with your son in Bangkok, Thailand. What? So, I think I really take it to heart the idea that, you know, never, ever put limits on where you could go and that's the reason why you want to push outside. Out of that comfort zone, because you could go a million times farther and maybe even in a completely different direction than you ever would have thought.

20:09
Yes, exactly.

Andrew Stotz 20:11
All right, last question, what's your number one goal for the next 12 months,

Rashmi Shetty 20:17
I've independently started a program called Pani, which is we a ni and in Sanskrit, it means voice. And it actually stands for virtual articulation, narrating instrument, which is your voice. And this is an exclusive women program, wherein I work with women who are in transition on the leadership journey on how to dust off that self doubt, which most of us hold against us. And in spite

20:47
of our

Rashmi Shetty 20:48
capability, we doubt whether we are capable enough and don't step up to answer or be more assertive. So my goal for the next 12 months is to reach this out to as many women as possible to tell them, You have it all in you just step up, boys out, and you'll be surprised what you find.

Andrew Stotz 21:09
And so for people that want to follow up and learn about how they can access that, I guess we talked earlier that LinkedIn is the best place and I'll have the link in the show notes so they could reach out to you to learn more. Yes. And it's, it's exciting. You know, what you're talking about is empowerment, and support. And also the encouragement that we all need. You know, I mean, even when we have reached a certain level of success, it's always great to have someone in your corner supporting you. So yeah, fantastic. Well, I look forward to catching up in 12 months to see how far and how beautiful, you know, you've gone to where you go. So I look forward to that. And for the listeners out there, reach out, go to the show notes and reach out and get in touch with Rashmi and learn more about that and get her support. Alright listeners, there you have it another story of loss to keep you winning. My number one goal for the next 12 months is to help you my listener, reduce risk in your life. So go to my worst investment ever.com right now and download the risk reduction checklist and see how you measure up. As we conclude Rashmi, I want to thank you again for coming on the show. And on behalf of a Stotz Academy, I hereby award you alumni status for turning your worst investment ever into your best teaching moment. Do you have any parting words for the audience?

Rashmi Shetty 22:41
A lot, Andrew, but I hugely derive my inspiration from the Bhagavad Gita. And, I believe, a very beautiful phrase in the Bhagavad Gita where if I quote in Sanskrit, it says nimit, the master Baba salvia Sachin, it's a moment in the Gita where Krishna shows his entire cosmic form, and Arjuna character who for whom Krishna has the charity, looks up to Krishna and says, Oh, my God, the entire enemy seems dead inside your mouth. How's it possible while I see them alive? And at that point, Krishna says, with you or without you, this is the future, and they're eventually going to die. So what I suggest you do is just merely be my instrument. And for me, when I read the Bhagavad Gita as a book, this free stood out big time of ultimate surrender. And I feel the moment you surrender to the force about the way life unfolds is beyond your understanding. And the plan? Well, I think you don't even have to bother. Place out there. And the universe has its plan in place. So don't stick to muscle memory. Allow yourself to get out there and explore. And when you do that, I think life is beautiful.

Andrew Stotz 24:11
Surrender to win.

24:13
Yes,

Andrew Stotz 24:14
exactly. Fantastic. Well, that's a wrap on another great story to help us create, grow and protect our wealth. And I think what we've just heard is also our health fellow risk takers. This is your worst podcast host Andrew Stotz, saying. I'll see you on the upside.